This is a powerful concept that a lot of people don’t treat with enough respect.

People can be really good at keeping their word to other people. Especially because we live in a society where a lot of people care deeply about how they look to everyone else.

We have these fabricated Instagram lives where everything looks perfect from the outside.

But in my time training people, I’ve noticed something:

People starting their fitness or mindset journey often have a really hard time keeping their word to themselves.

They make promises.

“I’m going to track my food this week.”

“I’m going to get two workouts in before I see you next.”

“I’m going to try to drink less.”

“I’m going to make better food choices at home.”

“I’m not going to eat out this week.”

“I’m going to do better on the weekend.”

“I’m going to get better sleep.”

“I’m not going to skip cardio after my workout.”

“I’m going to wake up early and work out before work.”

And then they don’t do it.

So what happens?

Usually, they just tell themselves they’ll start tomorrow.

And then tomorrow becomes Monday.

Monday becomes next week.

And suddenly the promise gets bigger.

“I’m not going to eat a single bad thing next week.”

“I’m not going to drink at all for a month.”

“I’m going to work out twice tomorrow.”

Now you’ve gone from not keeping your word to yourself to overpromising to yourself.

That’s not a great foundation.

What Are You Teaching Yourself?

One of my favorite examples is:

“I’m going to wake up in the morning and work out.”

Think about what that promise actually means.

You are telling yourself that the first thing you’re going to do in the morning is something that is going to better you.

Then the alarm goes off.

You’re tired.

Maybe you didn’t sleep great.

Maybe the kids were up.

Maybe work is going to be crazy.

Maybe your bed feels amazing.

And then the voice starts:

Just sleep another 30 minutes.

You can go after work.

You can start tomorrow.

You deserve the extra sleep.

And you listen.

Once in a while?

Who cares.

Shit happens.

But if this becomes a pattern, you’re teaching yourself something.

You’re teaching yourself that the promises you make to yourself are negotiable.

And that matters.

Because you probably wouldn’t do that to your boss.

If you’re supposed to be at work at 8:00, you generally find a way to be there.

Why?

Because there are consequences.

Someone else is counting on you.

There’s accountability.

There’s a structure around it.

But when you make a promise to yourself, there may not be anybody standing there waiting for you.

So you can break the promise, feel a little guilty about it, drown that guilt in whatever habit you use to avoid uncomfortable feelings, and move on.

Do that enough times and you can end up in a pretty deep hole.

Days turn into weeks.

Weeks turn into months.

And eventually you start wondering why you don’t trust yourself.

How Do You Practice Choosing Yourself?

The answer is pretty simple.

You practice choosing yourself.

You just fucking do it.

You think about the person you’re becoming.

You think about why you wanted to change in the first place.

And you start acting like that person.

If you already spend your entire life doing things for everyone else, becoming stronger, healthier, more capable, and more disciplined isn’t selfish.

It can make you better for everyone around you.

You’re healthier.

You’re around longer.

You can physically do more.

You can play with your kids.

You can help your family.

You can handle the physical shit life throws at you.

And maybe most importantly, you get to show the people around you what discipline actually looks like.

You don’t just tell your kids to do hard things.

They watch you do them.

And there’s another uncomfortable question worth asking:

If you can’t show up for yourself, why should you expect yourself to consistently show up for everyone else?

Eventually, your cup can be empty.

You can’t keep giving from nothing.

So yes, sometimes choosing yourself is actually part of becoming better for the people you love.

Your Character Sheet

Think about yourself like a character in a video game.

You have stats.

You have strengths.

You have weaknesses.

You have skills you’ve developed.

You have skills you haven’t developed yet.

And every time you practice something, you’re getting experience.

You don’t wake up one morning with 100 XP in discipline.

You earn it.

One decision at a time.

One workout.

One meal.

One morning when you didn’t feel like getting up.

One time you kept the promise when nobody else would have known if you broke it.

That’s how you build the character.

And if you know you’re going to struggle with something, set yourself up for success.

Put your phone farther away so you have to physically get out of bed.

Change your alarm.

Use a song that gets you moving.

Have your coffee ready.

Have your pre-workout ready if that’s your thing.

Have your clothes laid out.

Have your morning ritual.

Maybe you eat your pre-workout meal outside on the porch.

Whatever works for you.

The point isn’t that there’s one magic trick.

The point is that you can manipulate your environment to make keeping your word easier.

And have a contingency plan.

If you know something is likely to mess up your original plan, figure out what you’re going to do when it happens.

Because:

Failure to plan is planning to fail.

And when the alarm goes off?

Don’t negotiate with the voice.

Because that voice is going to have a pretty convincing argument.

It always seems to know exactly what to say.

Go back to sleep.

Do it later.

Start tomorrow.

You don’t really need to do this.

The goal isn’t necessarily to make that voice disappear.

I don’t know if it ever completely does.

The goal is to become someone who doesn’t automatically listen to it.

The version of me that wants to be lazy and skip things is a terrorist.

And I DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS!

I’ve gotten up at 4:00 in the morning to work out.

I’ve gotten up at 4:00 in the morning to train clients.

And I can tell you that probably 90% of the time my first thought was:

Fuck this. I want to go back to sleep.

Why the hell do I do this?

But I got up anyway.

Eventually, I got better at the routine.

Eventually, the routine became a habit.

Eventually, I didn’t have to think about it as much.

How did I get there?

By stacking bricks.

One brick at a time.

One day at a time.

I noticed that I wasn’t keeping my word to myself.

So I built the habit of keeping it.

Don’t Try to Change Everything Tomorrow

This is where people screw themselves up.

They decide they’re finally going to change.

So they make a list.

Work out five days a week.

Track every calorie.

Drink a gallon of water.

Meditate every morning.

Go to bed at 9:00.

Wake up at 5:00.

Stop drinking.

Stop eating out.

Stretch every night.

Read 30 minutes.

And they’re going to do all of it starting Monday.

Good luck.

You don’t need to change your entire life tomorrow.

Pick something.

If your goal is to work out four or five days a week and you’ve barely been working out at all, give yourself some time to build that behavior.

Maybe it’s two months.

Maybe it’s longer.

A smaller behavior might take a week or two.

There isn’t some perfect number of days that magically turns a behavior into a habit for every human being.

People are different.

Your life is different.

Your starting point is different.

So give the behavior enough repetition that it starts becoming part of your normal routine.

Then build on it.

If you’re already advanced at managing your habits, maybe you can handle more than one change at a time.

But most people aren’t.

One solid habit is better than five promises you don’t keep.

And What Happens When You Miss?

You’re going to miss.

At some point, you will.

Maybe you get sick.

Maybe your kid needs you.

Maybe work explodes.

Maybe you simply mess up.

That doesn’t mean you failed.

In fact, the day after you miss might be one of the most important opportunities you have.

Because now you get to practice something else:

Getting back on track.

Don’t decide that because you missed today, you need to work out twice tomorrow.

Don’t starve yourself because you ate like shit today.

Don’t punish yourself.

Don’t turn one missed day into a week.

Just get back to the routine.

Things happen.

That’s life.

The problem isn’t that things happen.

The problem is when “things happen” becomes the new routine.

One outlier doesn’t have to become a long outlier section.

Get back to the mean.

Keep going.

You Build Self-Trust Through Evidence

This is the part I really want you to understand.

You don’t think your way into trusting yourself.

You build evidence.

Every time you say you’re going to do something and then you do it, you’re giving yourself evidence.

Every time you keep a promise when it would have been easier not to, you’re giving yourself evidence.

Every time you miss and then get back on track, you’re giving yourself evidence.

And eventually you start believing yourself.

Not because you repeated some positive affirmation 500 times.

Because you’ve proven it.

You become more disciplined.

More confident.

More dependable.

More capable.

And maybe most importantly, you become someone you can trust.

That’s a pretty powerful thing.

Because when you trust yourself, you don’t need to constantly wonder if you’re going to follow through.

You know what you’re capable of because you’ve seen the evidence.

You’ve practiced it.

You’ve stacked the bricks.

You’ve kept your word.

And then you keep going.

Because this isn’t about becoming perfect.

It’s about becoming someone who can count on himself.

Keep your word.

Not every time.

You’re human.

But more and more often.

That’s how you build yourself.

One promise.

One action.

One day at a time.

Keep your fucking word.